21 Lessons at 21

Some fun, some serious, all important.

1. The Idols - Power, Money, Honor (aka. fame, applause, etc.), Pleasure
   If you let the worship of these idols drive you, it will be a never ending struggle that will result in much unhappiness. Be aware that these are the temptations, be aware of your own specific temptation, recognize when you’re heeding it/them too much, and try to do things out of love and happiness instead.

2. Don’t consume glucose for breakfast.

   You will be hungry the whole rest of the day and will probably have a carb crash in the afternoon and feel super sluggish. If you want to eat pasta or banana bread, you can, but try eating it for dinner instead.

3. Find an internal locus of validation rather than an external locus of foundation.

   Be intentional and make sure you know who’s opinions you actually care about. This is one of those unconscious things it would be helpful to make conscious. Having an imaginary board of people you look up to that you consult when you need advice about how to react to a situation is also very useful.

   Here’s another concept I learned from Time Theory by :

   • We care about other people’s opinions and what people think of us because we need something from them. If we didn’t need anything from them, we wouldn’t really care about their opinions.

     Most of the time, you’ll find that what you need from them, for some reason, is validation.

     Then you can say: why do I need their validation? Maybe I can validate myself! From there, you can usually shrug everything that’s bothering you off your shoulders. Avoid Pride though.

   
   *God as a locus of validation is also incredibly important.

4. Family over everything

5. Act on your ideas quick! like a hot potato!

   Ideas are perishable and execution is king.

6. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

   I think about this Bible verse a lot.
   I’m also beginning to think one of the cleaner ambitions out there is wanting to do things to fulfill your own potential.

7. Don’t lie. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

8. The importance of good manners.

   One of the many things I learned from reading Jane Austen was the importance of prudence, easy manners, and making sure you have good sense and think of others people’s welfare and comfort when interacting with them.
   
   Ofcourse, she also mercilessly roasts the characters who have good manners but lack backbone and integrity so make sure you cultivate those first too.

9. Always have a good book club!
   I’ve been in a weekly book club for 10 months now and it’s been one of the greatest joys of my life. Find intelligent people to do it with and you will have a lot of fun.

10. Always be high integrity. The tradeoffs of shortcuts are never worth it.

11. You can decide to be good.

    One day, I realized that it was because of how I was constantly spoken to while growing up that caused me to have such a negative view of myself. Then, this opened the door to me realizing that I don’t have to identify with that anymore. I’m not the villain. I’m not stuck being an antihero. I can choose to be ‘good’, aim towards it, and identify with that instead. I also thought of all the different people who successfully changed for the better, both in fiction and in reality, and that gave me courage.

12. You can hire a tutor for almost anything you can think of on Wyzant or Preply. You can pay by the hour for this.

13. If you have trouble finding your inner voice, try to turn off social media.
    It only takes a couple of months. Suddenly, you will find yourself having your own opinions, especially if you read good books and write in the meantime instead. When you go back on social media, you will see a lot of slosh and you will find that while incredibly fun occasionally, the constant consumption and use of it is truly a ‘lower pleasure’ that you don’t really need and thus its grip on your psyche will lessen.

    Protect your mind from the Attention Economy. Behind TikTok, Instagram, Media, and YouTube are a thousand silicon valley engineers economically incentivized to addict you to the app. If you do use these apps, block feeds, and maintain a great creation-to-consumption ratio.
    - https://sigilwen.ca/

14. There’s so much gold out there on the internet.
    Ex. These are all very useful pointers and advice about Ego, Exceptional, Productivity, Great Questions, Great Work, Working Hard and Focus. Reread again and again.

15. Done > Perfect

    → Unfinished projects don’t compound

16. Don’t overindex on the superficial.

17. But, it’s still good to know how to dress well and take care of yourself. Especially if you’re a girl.

    → Learn how to do your hair and how to give yourself a blowout
    → Use ChatGPT to see what colors look best on you (I cannot emphasize this enough), it’s actually pretty good at helping you figure out what hairstyles, necklines, and jewelry look best on you + how to do your makeup based on your facial features
    → Capsule wardrobe. Capsule wardrobe. Capsule wardrobe.
    
    There will be some girls, some preternaturally beautiful girls who will know none of this and don’t need to know any of this. They will look effortlessly stunning always and will take pride in not knowing/worrying about any of this stuff saying that they put their time and effort into more ‘fruitful’ matters. Don’t be jealous. Be happy for them. But seriously, knowing your colors, makeup tips, how to eat healthy easily, and what clothes look good on you takes like 4h max. Make a pinterest board or something. The returns are seriously worth it.

18. Know your ‘triggers’ / what makes you the worst version of yourself. - Nabeel’s Principles

    Do with this information what you will.

19. Commonplace books RULE!!

    I’ve finished maybe 3 commonplace notebooks by now and they’re some of my most prized possessions. So useful.

20. Say it with your chest

    My personal pet peeve is when people type in lower caps exclusively. I can admit that this isn’t entirely rational. But…
    If you have something to say, say it with your chest!

21. Choose the right person.
    If somehow, even after years of being together, your relationship keeps getting better and better that you constantly shake your head in disbelief…. then you may have made the best decision of your life. You’re blessed and lucky :)

That’s all from me!
Ciao x

-Mia